The Reluctant Writer

by Rob Radcliffe

Usually waking up is the beginning of anyone’s day, right?

It stands to reason that being conscious would be the starting pistol. On your marks, get set, g… Oh hang on a minute, someone’s already started.

Some of my best ideas and plot points are dreamed up, and so the start of the day sometimes comes before reality sets in, because for a writer, a storyteller, a creator of worlds, the idea is king and we bow at the alter of Mr. or Miss Muse. We are slaves to the idea whisperer who never keeps office hours.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Being a writer isn’t just a job. It isn’t a lifestyle either. It is everything.Sitting down in front of the screen to tap away and put words in the mouths of characters you have created isn’t where it begins or ends, because the story is always there in the back of your mind night and day. Mr. Muse will whisper to you whenever he feels like it, forever feeding you new ideas for future scenes in chapters. A random line of dialogue might come to you when your mind wanders for a moment while you’re washing the dishes or walking the dog, or inconveniently sitting on the loo.

Being a writer consumes you, and the only way to stop those whispers is to finish writing the book.But…Then you have an idea for the sequel, or another story you’d like to explore and the whispers start all over again.Now this may sound like it’s written by someone who should live in a sponge cell wearing a sponge helmet with a jacket which ties from the back.What do you mean a voice whispers to you day and night? Here’s the number for a nice doctor. You can talk to Rob. Go on, give him a call. No, I’m not crazy. That voice, my Mr. Muse, is me. I know this, and I guess that’s what keeps me out of the straightjacket.

What I’ve described to you may sound exhausting, to have this made up world full of made up people on your mind constantly, but that’s just the way it is. For me, anyway. I’ve been writing since I was 8 years old, spinning tales out of Mr. Muse’s whispers when he was just Master Muse in shorts and a colourful t-shirt. It is exhausting, you’re right, but it is also the best thing in the world. Writing is my everything because it has been with me longer than anything else in my life (sorry mum and dad, don’t make this about you, you’ve obviously been hanging around longer).But I digress… or waffle. But that’s expected, right? I pen 100k word stories, of course I’m going to waffle, it’s what I do.Back to my day…My morning routine is filled with having to order my little people about, getting them ready for school, feeding them, repeating 10,000 times to stop watching YouTube, go brush their teeth, pack their bags, look for their school shoes they just moments ago were wearing but now appear to have lost…it’s fun, and for this mad hour before dropping the kids off at school for 6 hours of parent parole, Mr. Muse stays in bed. He doesn’t get up, he’d not get a word in edgeways because the kids would drown him out. Once home, I’ll make myself a coffee and open up my laptop. It’s now time to create. Nope. He had a late one last night out on the town and wanted to sleep for a little longer.

Bloody typical.Mr. Muse is rarely reliable. He comes and goes as he pleases, leaving whispers of ideas which might morph into something more in his wake. I decide I’ll read through yesterday’s chapter, coax the lazy inspiration keeper from his slumber. From the title of this article, you’ll see I called myself The Reluctant Writer, and this isn’t really true. I’ve written and published far too many novels to say that I’m reluctant to write, because I’m not. I love writing, that’s why I’ve spent 31 years doing it (I’m 39 now, so I have dedicated a decent chunk of my life to listening and acting upon Mr. Muse’s whispers). It isn’t a reluctance to write; it is procrastination. This is something I’m fantastic at. Sitting in the seat to write is always hard for me and I’ll set myself a whole manner of “little jobs” which need completing before I can write.

My desk is untidy, so I’ll declutter it. The washing up needs doing, and the clothes need folding before I can start my day creating. The dog needs washing, and the car needs walking (or sometimes vice versa). I will create lots of silly little jobs I just have to do before I can write.

I’ve joked before that I’ve even polished every lightbulb in the house, just so that when I sit down to write, which I will do, soon, the bulbs are at optimal glowness… in the middle of the day… when they’re all switched off. So once the carpet has been polished, and the ceiling hoovered, once I’ve named the spider in the room’s corner and counted how many birds are in the tree across the road, then I’ll click on my WIP (work in progress) file on my desktop and get down to some actual real writing. There’s no stopping me now.

Sammy the spider is content to sit and watch me. The polish has left a lovely shine to the carpet, and all the lightbulbs are sparkling in their OFF mode. It really is time to do that thing I love to do more than anything else in the world if only important jobs around the house didn’t get in my way first. WIP. Got it. Click. We’re on fire now! Oh no.

Currently, I have twelve works in progress… in progress in my WIP file. Where do I start? Maybe I should check to see if the toilet bowl needs dusting… NO. It’s writing time, Rob. How on earth did you ever finish even one novel? I click through my WIPs while the kettle boils for coffee number two. It’s thirsty work, all this lightbulb polishing.

1 – The Other Side.This is book 6 in my Lad-Lit series and so far I’ve written 47,000 words, so I’m about halfway through.

2 – Miss Millionaire.The second book in my Millionaire novella trilogy, and at 32,000 words, I’m a couple of chapters away from finishing.

3 – Evaluation

Book 4 in my Divine Chronicles and 23,000 words in. I’ve been writing this one for two years and this Christmas it is going to be ready (says the guy who said this in October 2019).4 – Tindered.

Book 7 in my Lad-Lit series, and pretty much complete at 85,000 words, but I’m unable to publish it until I finish writing book 6 at the top because… well that’s how numbers work. 6 comes before 7. Stupid numbers!

I could go on, but I’m not going to because looking through my WIPs is also a form of procrastination where I tell myself I’m doing a bit even though I’m not really.This is my life.And yet I’m the guy who did a 24 hour write-a-thon and film himself doing it, hitting 27,000 words in one day.

I’m also the guy who in the last six years, has published 14 books, gained lots of wonderful readers of those books, has other authors tapping me for inspiration, looking up to me, and yet I feel I need to defrost the bloody freezer before I can sit down and do what I love to do.I know what it is. I’m a binge writer.

The advice you will always get from writers is to write a little and often. Even if it’s just 500 words a day, consistency is king. And they’re right. 100% Absolutely, this is how you will focus on and then complete that novel. I have friends who write 5000 words a day, every day, and I’m so envious. They obviously don’t have as many lightbulbs as me in their house, so I can sort of see where they find the time.

I, on the other hand, always feel like I should be doing more.That’s because you’re too busy hoovering the cat and you don’t even have a cat. Whose cat are you hoovering instead of writing, Rob?

Writing a book is like setting yourself homework forever. It really is. When you’re not writing you beat yourself up because you know you should be instead of watching a whole Netflix series in one night, and when you are writing you’re already thinking of the next book, maybe the sequel to your current WIP, maybe something completely new, a palate cleanser once this book comes to a close and you search for new homework assignments to set yourself.

Despite all that though, there really is nothing like getting lost in the zone, where hours pass and you don’t even realise it. That is a writer’s ecstasy, that fugue state where the story flows and you are but the muse’s vessel. It is what keeps us going back and doing it again and again, setting ourselves more homework assignments and loving every moment.I decide Miss Millionaire is going to be my WIP of choice today, and in true binge writing fashion get down 3000 words in two hours. When I’m doing it, I write quickly. Once I’m in the seat and focused, there is nowhere else I would rather be.

My alarm stops me mid-sentence, and it is a quarter to three. Parent parole is almost up, it’s time to get the kids and pretend to be a grown up until they’re in bed. Then I’ll go back and finish this little story I’ve enjoyed making up as I go.

A week ago I sent out an email to my readers who have signed up to my newsletter, announcing book 2 in my Millionaire trilogy will be available soon. When I wrote book 1 (Mr. Millionaire) it was only ever meant to be a standalone novella. There were never any plans for a second book. This changed, as it always does, when my readers got hold of it, devoured it, and DEMANDED a sequel. Who am I to tell them no?

These people are the second best thing about being a writer, the fans who email you to tell you how much they enjoyed your stories. I’ve had readers cursing me because they burst out laughing on a packed bus while reading my work and received strange looks for the rest of their journey, and I’ve had readers in tears, emailing me to tell me how much they loved the characters and now they’ve finished the book it feels like something is missing, that they can’t stop thinking about it.

This tells me I’m doing something right, that my silly scribbles are resonating with a wider audience, and this keeps me going, spurs me on, keeps me tapping at that keyboard when Mr. Muse is too hungover to get out of bed and doesn’t want to play.

A Day in the Life of this reluctant writer starts and ends the same, with the story.

Yes, I have to be dad in between, yes those pesky lightbulbs will not dust themselves, but aside from that I keep doing this making shit up and writing it down malarkey, because I really do love it, and most importantly, so do my readers.
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Author Bio

Rob Radcliffe was born and raised in Lancashire, England. He is a fiction author and novelist, and newly formed bloggist (it’s catchier than blogger).

He spends the majority of his days with his head in the clouds, sometimes coming back down to earth just long enough to turn those daydreams into stories by actually writing them down.

​Rob writes across several genres, ‘lad’ lit (which would be chick-lit’s naughty younger brother), thrillers, and sci-fi.

​Despite his appearance in his head shot, Rob does come in colour…and usually with both ears.

​Rob’s books are a mixture of coming of age testosterone, action, humour and general silliness. A great place to start would be at the beginning of each book. He feels they work better that way.

He is currently writing three series.

The Meat Market Series follows friends Greg and Stu through their relationships, breaks ups, highs and lows. Told with a sardonic smile these novels capture gritty realism and lad-lit at it’s best.

Rob’s Checking Out novella series is semi autobiographical and follows nineteen year old Rob on a journey from the run down council estate he finds himself living on, to the sunny shores of Cape Town, South Africa. Brutally honest and the books Rob ‘had to write,’ he is currently writing the fifth and final instalment.

The Divine Chronicles has been Rob’s most challenging work so far. Leaving ‘the funnies’ alone, he delves into a world of contemporary science fiction (sorry, no spaceships and aliens here) and covers human evolution, religion, life, death, family and immortality. Weaving myths, legends, real life historical figures, places and times into the narrative, he has created a world readers can’t get enough of.

As well as a few standalone novels, Rob is planning on writing a thriller series soon. The first of those novels has the working title The Assassin’s Game.

​For up-to-date news and release dates of his upcoming books, sign up for Rob’s Reader’s Club Starter Library. There he promises not to refer to himself in the third-person like he has here.